LGBTQ+ elders and care that respects who someone is

Why this needs its own page

SAGE and its National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging report that many older LGBTQ+ people feel unsafe being themselves when they seek care and worry about discrimination in long-term care settings. Some go back into the closet in a nursing home. Some have chosen families who are not recognized by a form that asks for a spouse or a child. The fix is not complicated: ask, listen, and choose places that have done the work.

What New York protects

New York State law prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity or expression in housing, public accommodations, and employment. The state Department of Health has published a bill of rights for long-term care residents living with HIV and for LGBTQIA+ residents, and it applies in nursing homes and adult care facilities. Residents have the right to be called by their name and pronouns, to have visitors of their choosing, and to be treated with dignity. If a right is being violated, the Long Term Care Ombudsman and the state complaint lines are the doors.

How to tell if a place is welcoming

Any community will say everyone is welcome. Look for evidence.

• A written nondiscrimination policy that names sexual orientation and gender identity, posted or handed to you.
• Staff training. SAGECare credentials providers who have completed LGBTQ+ competency training; ask whether they hold one, or what training they do.
• Intake forms that ask about pronouns, chosen name, and partner or chosen family, not just spouse and children.
• Photos, brochures, and events that include same-sex couples and transgender residents, not as a special program but as ordinary life.
• A clear answer to: "How would you handle a resident or aide who was disrespectful to my father because he is gay?"
• Participation in the Long-Term Care Equality Index, a survey of LGBTQ+ inclusion in senior living run with SAGE.

Questions to ask

• Can my mother's partner be listed as her emergency contact and visit at any hour, the same as a spouse?
• Can a transgender resident have an aide of the gender they prefer, and can they room with a partner?
• How do you record and honor a chosen name and pronouns in the chart and on the door?
• Have you cared for LGBTQ+ residents before, and would any of them or their families talk to us?
• What is your policy if a roommate or another family objects?
• For home care: can we request an aide who has completed LGBTQ+ training, and can we ask for a different aide without explaining why?

Protect the paperwork

A health care proxy and a power of attorney matter more for a chosen family than for anyone. Without them, a hospital may turn to a biological relative who has not spoken to the person in decades. Get both done while the person can sign; an elder law attorney can help, and Cardinal does not give legal advice.

The same respect, every culture

The same questions work for language, faith, and culture. Ask whether the kitchen can cook the food they grew up on, whether staff speak their first language or have interpreter service, whether there is space and time for prayer, how holidays are honored, and whether same-gender care is available for religious reasons. A community that answers those questions with specifics has thought about people, not marketing.

Where to call

• SAGE LGBTQ+ Elder Hotline, 1-877-360-5428, around the clock, for LGBTQ+ older people and the people who care for them.
• National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging: guides for caregivers, a guide to finding an inclusive long-term care community, and tips for caring for transgender elders.
• New York State Long Term Care Ombudsman, 1-855-582-6769, for a problem inside any facility.
• New York State Division of Human Rights, for discrimination complaints.